Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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