so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
