i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
