Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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