hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
