The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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