mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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