drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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