Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
