I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
