Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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