my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
