wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's when you crack a 10am beer
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
