Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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