am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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