lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
