please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
