It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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