guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
