I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
