turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
