I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
