ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you're drinking in the law library????

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ...not a bad idea....

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  probably not a good idea either.

  Fav 28 1558 824

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

  Fav 35 7959 1470

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

  Fav 8 1369 6306

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.

  Fav 6 4157 1149

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

  Fav 9 4562 1371

  share tweet
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

  Fav 8 2426 4471

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.

  Fav 9 3059 874

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

  Fav 7 2233 997

  share tweet
  

• (912): View more from Georgia

  Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?

  Fav 11 1683 1017

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"

  Fav 5 1536 684

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.

  Fav 8 1829 714

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.

  Fav 3 477 969

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.

  Fav 2 1187 447

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies

  Fav 0 81 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight

  Fav 0 65 3

  share tweet
  

Randomize