So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
