On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
