Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
