Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
