I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
