I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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