It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
