Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize