You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
