what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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