Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
being pregnant is like rehab
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
