The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
