just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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