I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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