alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
