he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
