Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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