There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
