I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
