I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
