return my video game
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You are a genius and a whore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
