you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
