1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
