She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
