She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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