I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
