So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
