remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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