just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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