I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
