I got her a Nickelback box set.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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