My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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