I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize