i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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