im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
