Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
