You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
