dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
