I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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