I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize