and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
