His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
