look no pants
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
