Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
