So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
