I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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