Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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